Years ago when I was a bright eyed artist starting out I had the great fortune to befriend Bruce Cook III who I’ve talked about many times over the years that introduced me to my first mentor Steve Brown. I was just learning about serigraphy. I had made a single print to my name cutting color separation films in the basement of Bruce’s house in Tacoma when he introduced me to a local screenprinter James Bender. James had a business that was mostly apparel and some art posters for local bands but his living space and work place were located not far from where my band had a space to record in the former Heidelburg brewery which was a fairly vacant building at the time.

James’ studio was just across from there and I got to know him well and at that time photoshop was in it’s early stages. Somehow Bruce, James and myself at the time decided to create a valentine print. We set out to Daniel Smith to secure paper and a day later of cutting films we produced valentines. Given I was broke at the time I couldn’t afford to buy much paper but I was so proud to see my work produced in quantity that I could give to my Grandmother, my mother and my aunties and of course a few crushes then but that was all I could give. It was a great sentiment and it made me happy to work with a couple artists who wanted to make art for sake of making art to share with people.

The first design was elementary so much so that I don’t share it in my own posts here but it was simply based on a human figure holding a heart within the iconic motif of a spindle whorl.

The following year we revisited the concept and I again being a ‘starving artist’ didn’t have much in way of money but I wanted to up the quality of paper stock and reduced the size of the print to somewhere around 14” square. James’ wife helped me name the piece “On Tenterhooks” and it was a great lesson in how to title work and the philosophy behind what the work means to both myself and the viewer or in that case the recipient.

Years passed after and we produced some works not as prints on paper but various items but the sentiment was there. After photoshop and the digital process picked up in the capacity to produce fine art prints my work migrated in that direction. The most recent of that was a revisiting of the idea as I wanted it to be in my original concept that was titled “My Light in the Darkness”

There were years in between the followed lots of experimentation of what I could say with the heart as an icon and utilize my best resources looking at it as a graphic as well as a story each year.

For those who follow my work it is well known that my grandmother had been a source of inspiration and supported my work emotionally and financially when things weren’t so great. All artists endure this to some degree as any independent or ‘freelancer’ which I’ve always hated the term for but it is a reality that ideas are hard to turn over day by day and make new and feel good about the work one creates.

When I designed My Light in the Darkness it was quite specific to know that in all the creatives I’ve had contact with the struggle at times with isolation because making art calls for one to refine concepts alone and spend a lot of time making the creations whether a weaving or sculpture or painting in solitude. Don’t get me wrong for my peers I can relate to this as a way of getting paid to meditate because after all a lot of people who retire look to paint or create as a way to find peace and that does exist in working in the moment.

This past year I realized how much I repressed things I couldn’t any longer and to embrace what some call the ‘shadow’ in terms of psychology. That within us is a darkness that if repressed eats away at you. To make peace with this I believe it’s necessary to give them room to breathe as it were. It is a matter of understanding that we can’t please everyone all the time and that failure is part of a journey we have to embark on regardless of occupation, class or sex. It is inevitable for us all.

Whether you’ve been stood up for a date waiting at a table painfully. Punched in the face at a bar for mistakingly think you could make friends and be coy, or simply having someone break your heart. It is the human experience that there is not love without pain romantic or platonic. Sometimes it mends and sometimes it doesn’t.

This year I wanted to acknowledge the realization with a triptych catching up on although late as it is “Black Swan”. I was moved by the movie because it like Whiplash showcased a sacrifice that is made to achieve a perceived greatness and need for validation. Something that is ever more powerful in this time of writing. I didn’t want to paint a pretty picture this year or ‘print’ one but share an expression that comes from a side we can all relate to but not want to hang on the walls for all to see but at least understand.

So I created Black Swan and the Boy Who Cried Wolf as a gesture. Individually they are named “the Hit”, “the Revelation” and “the Besides”. Together they tell a story. The color palette was also inspired from cinematography from Euphoria as well as it’s tragic aesthetic. It is to say that beauty can exist in tragedy and it is what we learn from it that calls us to create more and live more and try to love more.

In all we want a hit like something that makes us feel good a song that picks you up and moves you, motivates you and puts a smile on your face even when you are down holding your heart up as a shield. The Revelation comes when the honeymoon passes. The Besides calls to the old days of tapes and records, the things you took for granted whether a relationship survives or not. You come out the other side whether you’d like to admit it or not the arrow struck you because you called for it and you make peace knowing that regardless of the outcome if it was a hit or a flop you had to hear it out. You may have a heart in your hand that is your own or feel you’ve gained one that you made a sacrifice for but regardless you’ve made a commitment to journey into something that was uncertain.